Here are some irritating people splashing their annoying ways across our Facebook timelines and X feeds – so why can’t we unfollow them? As much as these friends (using the term loosely) grind our gears, they give us something to talk about. Where we would we be without them?
The Baby Bore
This type of annoying social media friend came to my mind first, purely because of the sheer severity of the actions that the Baby Bore demonstrates. Having a child is a great thing, for sure. Some people just take the expression of their happiness way too far. For starters, there’s the constant talk of how wonderful their sprog is, along with endless shares of cutesy pictures and text explaining how their child is a gift and that the sun shines out of their infant arse. Such photographs are usually alternated with those that shout out how AMAZING of a mother they are, and list all of the difficulties that come with motherhood. Because none of us knew before what pregnancy or raising a child involved! However, this is mild compared to the worst I’ve seen come from a Baby Bore. I really don’t want to know about your child’s bowel habits. And I particularly do not want to see a delightful picture of your baby’s porridge-looking puke. I still can’t get that image out of my mind.
How to spot a Baby Bore:
- Seems to have lost all friends who are not parents of small children
- Prefers to talk about playdates than going out themselves
- Feels the need to share every (and I mean, EVERY) detail about their offspring
The Lovers
The Lovers are exactly that: they are totally in love with each other – and everyone else MUST know about it! They are swept up in a world of heart-eyes and roses in which all that is important is their other half. The Lovers’ activities include gushing about how their partner is unbelievably awe-inspiring; declaring that their life has been changed by their romance; and professing their undying commitment. All of this has to be done over social media, in front of everyone else, rather than keeping it in a private exchange between The Lovers themselves. With a love like theirs, it just can’t be contained!
How to spot The Lovers:
- Frequent publicly posted exchanges with excessive amounts of kisses
- Lengthy statuses praising their significant other
- Only post pictures of the two of them together
As someone who likes to be in the know, I can’t understand why people can’t CHECK SOURCES. The Oblivious Sharer does not have such a thirst for knowledge and chooses to believe that whatever they read on the Internet is true. Unfortunately, these gullible types can be responsible for spreading false, harmful information. There are Facebook pages expressly set up to sway people’s views, which is done through spreading lies. This is something that I have noticed whenever a pro-life post has popped up on my timeline – they are always graphic, shocking, and guess what? Completely inaccurate. Now, everybody is entitled to their own view – but when false information is passed around, it always has negative effects. And don’t get me started on Britain First.
How to spot an Oblivious Sharer:
- Means well but falls short of sharing useful facts
- Will believe anything that is asserted as being true
‘Good’ Friend
The ‘Good’ Friend fancies themselves as a saint, when really, they should be counting up their friendship sins. This type of person remains delusional to their own failures as a good friend, while accusing others of the very things that they do themselves.
How to spot a ‘Good’ Friend:
- Complains about no one making an effort with them when you know that they never reply to your texts
- Reminds everyone how blessed they should feel to have them in their lives
- Whines about how they deserve to be treated better